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Playful Self-Discipline: Dealing With Uncertainty

It’s Thursday and time to check in on my Playful Self-Discipline project! This month’s theme is Uncertainty.

Tonight I put the kids to bed and watched TV with my hubby and now it’s 10:59 and I’m sitting at the laptop thinking, “Good grief, I said I would do this for a whole YEAR?” Who knows where I’ll be at the end of the year. Will this playful self-discipline thing still be fun by November? Am I really learning anything through this project? Who knows?

And yet, here I am writing an uncertain post on self-discipline. I want to learn to be more self-disciplined, and I want to have fun with this. But now Claire’s awake and I should have planned my posts further in advance and I have freshly cleaned bookshelves but no idea what I’m going to write about today. UNCERTAINTY! It’s everywhere.

– – brief interlude spent nursing a congested toddler back to sleep (yes, so much for night weaning…) – –

I’m not one hundred percent sure of where I’m going, and I don’t really know how I’m going to get there. I do know I’m right here, right now, and I turned up to write tonight.  Staying mindful and in the present moment seems to take some of the pressure of the future unknowns off a little bit.  Those unknown things don’t exist yet, even though they may or may not appear in my future life.

I don’t know whether my city will be hit by an earthquake, or how much longer I will live in this house, or what my kids will want to learn about next week, or whether we’ll have another baby or be loading our worldly goods into a moving truck at this time next year. I don’t know how long I will live for, or what Peak Oil will look like or whether or not my seed potatoes had sprouted enough before I planted them. I could put everything on hold until my plans were as neatly organized and laid out as my bookshelves are today (I even separated the children’s fiction from the non-fiction! Today’s spring cleaning was a success.) but I’d be missing out on living in the moment right now.

That said, planning for the future and learning how to increase my chances of success are definitely worth doing, especially when it comes to those things I have some control over. I’m reading up on how to keep a caterpillar, to increase the chances of successfully pupating and releasing a healthy moth or butterfly in a few weeks, grown from a small striped brown caterpillar that Bea and I found in the garden. I bolted a bookcase to the wall today, in an effort to make our living space a little safer in case we do have an earthquake. I’m budgeting and trying to live frugally, but I know there are no guarantees.

So, uncertainty. It’s out there. I’m going to show up and do what I love despite the lurking unknown.

How do you prefer to deal with the uncertainty of life? Do you thrive on a little chaos or crave stability? And have you ever kept up a blog project for a whole year??  Tell me about it!

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{ 2 comments… add one }

  • Cynthia April 7, 2011, 4:30 pm

    Interesting thoughts. I especially like that part about how “learning how to increase my chances of success [is] definitely worth doing, especially when it comes to those things I have some control over.”

    I’ve definitely mellowed and become better at living in the moment since having children. Pre-kids, I was more of the “five-year detailed plan” type. I still get sucked into that, especially in certain areas (*coughhomeschoolingcough*), but I’m working on it.
    Cynthia´s last blog post ..A God Who Sings

  • Rachael April 13, 2011, 8:09 am

    I missed this post last week — sounds like you and I are in a similar place right now. Sometimes uncertainty feels good — the possibilities! And sometimes, it’s just frightening.
    Rachael´s last blog post ..Walking on Air

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