Comments on: Mama, That’s Too, Too Boring!

By: Parenting with a Professional, Intentional Schedule

Parenting with a Professional, Intentional Schedule — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 04:32:30 +0000

[...] I just finished reading Steady Days by Jamie C. Martin, and I’m thinking about what it means to be an organized, intentional mom. What kind of schedule do I want my kids and I to have? What do I want to plan out and where can I leave things unscheduled? What is realistic to expect from myself and my girls, and what can they live up to when I raise the bar? [...]

By: Wordless Wednesday: Getting Dressed « The Parent Vortex

Wordless Wednesday: Getting Dressed « The Parent Vortex — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 08:38:38 +0000

[...] dressed is fun now! Not boring at all. I think she looks like a rockstar. Tags: beatrice, carnival of natural [...]

By: the Grumbles

the Grumbles — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 15:56:51 +0000

Too funny, I wrote about my son not eating solid foods for my post this time and conveniently the night before the carnival he chowed down a whole bunch of black beans. The just love to prove us wrong, don’t they?

I noticed a similar thing to what other people are commenting with my nephew. Just because he finally CAN tie his shoes by himself doesn’t mean he wants to go over there and do it all alone. I found if I went over there and made it a joint project (and then let him do all the work) he was much less resistant.
.-= the Grumbles´s last blog ..the grumbles primer on pumping at work (part three, the final chapter) =-.

By: michelle

michelle — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 04:59:02 +0000

Weaning is a great analogy – she is capable of dressing herself but still does need/want the attention and help. It’s easy to get impatient once I see that she can do something new, but I forget that doing newly learned things takes a great deal of energy! Letting go of my end of the power struggle has helped a lot.

By: michelle

michelle — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 04:55:36 +0000

I think she probably does want more attention – this was at it’s worst when I was parenting solo for a week and a half while my husband was traveling for work. It’s much better now – some days she dresses herself happily, other days she wants me to help her or pick the clothes out for her. I think the key is not getting too bent out of shape by it myself – letting anything turn into a power struggle just ends up with frustration on both ends. I know this, but still, it’s hard! Some days I just want her to do it by herself. I need to remember, “This too shall pass”

By: Arwyn

Arwyn — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 04:23:03 +0000

You’re right that she obviously has the physical and sometimes mental ability to get herself dressed, but I’m not sure it’s necessarily a reasonable expectation that she does it by herself every time. I tend to think of it like weaning: sure, by a year they can eat food, but they usually still need nursing too. Or like even my 3yo, who started walking everywhere at about 20 months, still wants to be worn or carried sometimes. I’d wonder if your daughter’s statement that it’s too boring might be interpreted as her not having the focus yet to do things by herself that she doesn’t want to do (which is a different developmental ability than the actual process of getting dressed).

So I’d suggest that while you continue encouraging and supporting her own trials of dressing herself, that on the days it feels really necessary to you (echoing another commenter in encouraging you to ask yourself whether it’s really important — and it might be, and that’s fine), you help her.

That’s what I’m doing right now with the Boychick; for a while it was really important to him to pick out his own clothes, but he’s in a stage right now where he basically ignores me and any mentions of getting dressed, but will cooperate if I bring him clothes and hold them out in front of him for him to step into. And by just going with that instead of insisting he come to be/do it himself, getting him dressed takes all of sixty seconds, instead of 20 minutes of stress.

But you’re the one who knows your daughter best. More than anything, I’d simply encourage you to not make it into a power struggle, and choose joy whenever possible, whether or not that means letting go of attachment to a particular outcome.
.-= Arwyn´s last blog ..Where is the mutually agreeable solution? — When parenting calls for blood draws =-.

By: Mrs Green @ littlegreenblog.com

Mrs Green @ littlegreenblog.com — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 07:27:52 +0000

Oh, these battles of the will! I think your beautiful little girl is just asking for a little more attention. I remember going through the same with DD and I simply helped her get dressed. She didn’t want to get dressed by herself, she wanted to be nurtured and babied – they move between wanting to be independent and wanting you to take complete care of themselves so quickly; which is why they have meltdowns and you’re left wondering what on earth just happened!

I would just say, as you are pulling on a top over her head or buttoning her shirt that “as soon as this boring getting dressed is out of the way we can go and have some fun.” or sing a song together as you do the task..

Another mantra for me is to ‘choose your battles wisely”, you’re so wise and thoughtful; could you sit for a moment and ask yourself just how important this is to you? How much it *really* matters if she wears PJs until 3pm. Could you get 3 more pairs so there are always clean ones available and turn it into a situation where your LO has more control over the situation?

it might be something you feel is completely inappropriate, but sometimes I realise that my perception is totally different to DDs and I’m willing to let things go …
.-= Mrs Green @ littlegreenblog.com´s last blog ..Ride the Bike, Drive the Change! =-.

By: michelle

michelle — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 05:15:33 +0000

Thanks for all the comments and suggestions, everyone! Aldort and Faber/Mazlish are excellent resources and I think I might go back and re-read Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves to refresh my memory.

I am starting to realize just how independent Beatrice is. She needs to know what I expect, and she sometimes needs some encouragement and help, but pushing does neither of us any good. In the past week she’s gotten dressed by herself a couple of times and still needs my help or encouragement on other days. BluebirdMama, thanks for sharing what works for you! I think Bea could tell I was impressed that day she’d gotten dressed by herself and has found choosing clothes much more interesting since. :)

By: Zoey @ Good Goog

Zoey @ Good Goog — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 04:16:23 +0000

I don’t have a pre-schooler yet – my daughter’s only two. Although she often is quite enraged if I try to help her get dressed. Which means it takes so long.

One suggestion – try to make it into a game. She has to try and race to see if she can get dressed before her sister?
.-= Zoey @ Good Goog´s last blog ..The Real Toddler =-.

By: To potty learn or not to potty learn – that is the question! « Little Snowflakes

Wed, 14 Apr 2010 02:12:03 +0000

[...] Mama, That’s Too, Too Boring! — Michelle at The Parent Vortex started out asking how to encourage her preschooler to get dressed — and four days later, she began to without prompting! (@TheParentVortex) [...]