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Emotion Brain vs. Logic Brain

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You know how sometimes your heart and your brain don’t agree on an issue, and your brain does it’s powerful logic thing and you think that issue’s all nicely wrapped up and tidied away? And then one day the spring-loaded emotions burst out and the jack-in-the box pops out and bounces all over the place with it’s manic grin? You thought this had gone away but SURPRISE! It’s back!

The trunk of my car is full of baby gear that I had loaned out. I want it back, but at the same time I don’t want it. I like holding other people’s babies but then my heart hurts afterwards. Amber at Strocel.com has written very eloquently on wanting a 3rd baby, and how you know if you’re done having babies. She’s even done a podcast on the topic.

Do you know if you’re done? How did you know, or not know?

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{ 8 comments… add one }

  • Kirsten October 27, 2012, 3:48 pm

    Yesterday was double-whammy ovary-tugger! Collected baby things and cute baby. I wonder if I’ll feel the same way in a year or two. Right now I just feel SO DONE. My heart and my brain know I don’t want more babies, but I do love helping other women with babies. Thinking about becoming a postpartum doula to get my baby fix.

    • michelle October 27, 2012, 4:21 pm

      Yep, plus a bunch of other things that all made me a little more emotional than usual. I wish it was easy, but it’s not. Being a postpartum doula is a lovely idea though – a nice way to focus on giving instead of getting…

  • Jo-Ann October 29, 2012, 12:12 pm

    Hi Michelle. It is uncanny how so many of the things that you write about come up in my life. As soon as I read the title of your post, I knew you were going to talk about a third baby. It is something that occupies a lot of my idle thoughts right now. I am not done emotionally or logically. I have moments of realizing logically 2 kids is full enough, but most of the time I yearn for one more.
    Just this weekend I was organizing the girls’ clothes and was thinking how freeing it would be to finally make the decision either way (Jeff is happy with 2), and get rid of all the baby stuff.
    Congratulations on the ebook, I can’t wait to read it :)

    • michelle November 3, 2012, 9:53 am

      Hi JoAnn – I thought I replied to your comment a few days ago but it seems to have disappeared! Odd. Anyway, I am curious about what your logical reasons are for wanting a 3rd child. I feel like there are so many logical reasons against having more children that the strongest reason for more children is just that biological/emotional drive.

      The baby stuff is a huge trigger for me. I want to keep it in case we need it, but we really don’t have enough storage space for it all. It will be freeing to decide either way and be done with it.

  • Dawn October 31, 2012, 12:15 am

    I struggle with this a lot. Every month I get a bit obsessed with needing a 3rd baby, but then it passes and things go back to normal.
    I’m feeling like life is good and it is getting better as the boys get bigger. We are able to be more and more active, and I have my own personal time. I know with a new baby this would all change. So I go back and forth, back and forth.
    We have talked about adoption since one main reason I want another is because I’m the only female in a house full of males, so I want to balance the genders out a bit. And with adoption that can be a choice, unlike giving birth.
    It has also helped that financially we couldn’t do anything until next summer, so I feel like I have time to make descisions and no one needs to feel pressured. Also being 31, I have time to figure all this stuff out.
    sorry blabbing on…
    this post is VERY timely, thank you :)

    Dawn

    • michelle November 3, 2012, 9:57 am

      Hi Dawn – we’re the same age! In some ways it is nice to know that I don’t have to decide about another baby rightthisminute, but at the same time I don’t really want to be having a baby close to 40. So the window is still kind of short.

      Adoption is something we’ve never really considered but there are many good things about adopting. I worry about bringing more children into this already struggling world and it seems better to adopt and care for a child that is already here. Being able to choose the gender is a bonus too.

  • Erin October 31, 2012, 8:55 am

    I was also putting away baby clothes the other day and had a bit of a wobbly. It was more that I missed that time in my life for several reasons (lived in a different country, etc) and I know having another baby won’t make that come back. We only have one child, and I’m 90% sure I’m happy with that. I am not at all confident I would be the parent I want to be if we had more than one – and that’s what stops me more than anything else.

    • michelle November 1, 2012, 10:22 pm

      Yes, everyone has their own reasons for wanting families of varying sizes. It’s easy to feel romantic about the baby stage, but even having another baby won’t make that stage last forever.

      I’d love to have another child now that I’m a little older and wiser than I was the first time around. I feel like I’d know what to do (and be able to relax and enjoy it) more often than I did with our first because I’ve learned a lot already. I’m already committed to being at home with our kids, and feeling good about that decision.

      But the reality is that our resources of time/money/energy/attention will remain the same and would be ever more stretched with another family member, and so we delay.

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